


Reluctant

by jaekayelle



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-03
Updated: 2012-05-03
Packaged: 2017-11-04 18:12:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/396748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaekayelle/pseuds/jaekayelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mal suffers the consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reluctant

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to [Deluded](http://archiveofourown.org/works/396746). You need to read that one first or this story won't make sense.

"You arrogant son of a bitch." Simon spoke quietly and steadily but with much venom lying in wait underneath. Then he turned on his heel and strode off to disappear into the darkened corridors. 

"Huh." Mal watched him until he was nothing but a shadow. 

"Least he's talkin' to ya," Jayne smirked and grabbed a hunk of bread off Mal's plate. Mal saw it happen yet made little protest except to give Jayne a lukewarm glare. He hated to admit it but Simon's actions the past two days had thrown him off balance, emotionally speaking. Not that his emotions were merely speaking to him; lately they'd been screaming at the tops of their lungs. If he could just figure out what they were trying to say…

He felt Zoe not looking at him.

"Have your say," he told her.

She didn't even bother to protest, to come up with a phoney denial. That wasn't Zoe's way.

"What did you do to him, sir?" she asked mildly, finally glancing his way as she passed a bowl of stew to Wash at her side.

"Nothing!" He threw down his napkin and shot to his feet, halfway to the corridor Simon had disappeared down before he could think about it, and then it was too late to change direction. He clattered out of the galley, his boot heels ringing on the metal floor. 

Well. He'd handled that badly. His back stiff and straight, he kept going. Maybe if he holed up in his cabin for about a year everyone would forget the whole incident. Yeah.

What had led to Simon's outburst was not a mystery to Mal. It had something to do with their…breakup two days earlier. What had set him off just now was not clear. His conscience told him to go find out.

He located the wayward doctor in the infirmary. Obviously he wanted to be found. 

Simon had a bottle of disinfectant in one hand and a cloth in the other, and was presently furiously polishing every uncovered surface in sight. 

"All right. What did I do?" Mal asked, leaning his shoulder against the doorway. 

"Get out."

"It's my ship."

"It's my infirmary."

"On my ship."

"Fine." Simon nonchalantly tossed the cloth aside, as if it didn't matter, as if he didn't care about the end of his non-existent relationship with Mal. "River and I will get off **your** ship on the next Alliance-free planet we come to. If you care to direct Wash to plot a course for a specific one, we can leave that much sooner."

"You used that threat before and it didn't work," Mal reminded him of another blow up the two of them had had; that time it had been about Mal allowing Simon the freedom of doctor's discretion regarding how to treat his patients. 

"I won that argument, if you recall," Simon pointed out. Then he jerked his head to the side and the rest of his body followed belatedly. His back to Mal he said, "This is different. This is personal."

"I'll grant you that."

"How big of you." 

Sarcasm dripped off the statement like soured honey. It gave Mal a bad taste in his head. He knew he was in the wrong. He just couldn't figure out why it bothered him to admit it.

When he remained silent too long, Simon turned around to regard him cautiously.

"Aren't you going to yell or boss me around or, or tell me you're going to pick the dustiest, loneliest planet you can find?"

"Loneliest?" Mal seized the opening.

"I meant it in the sense of being so far out on the Rim that there'll never be any Alliance interest."

"Which would be a good thing for you and River."

Simon threw his hands up in exasperation. "Yes. Yes, it would. Far less chance of ever getting caught."

"But less opportunity for you to practice your doctoring with fancy equipment."

"Maybe I'll take as much off Serenity as I can carry."

"Just you try it!"

"I will. See if I don't. I've learned a lot living amongst thieves."

Mal found himself staring.

"Please stop that."

"Stop what?"

"That… that smirk. It’s ugly. It doesn't become you."

With his arms folded across his chest Mal took one step closer to Simon, while taking a tiny step toward opening up the dialogue between them. "You have feelings for me?"

Simon laughed. It was a harsh sound and it hurt Mal's heart to hear it.

"Why would I ever develop feelings for a boorish, narrow-minded… cretin like you?"

Despite his miniscule attempt he closed down again. "Jayne's the boorish cretin on this ship. I'm just the captain." 

"Your answer for everything," Simon spat. "Like that gives you some sort of omnipotent control over everyone on board."

"Last I checked, yeah. It does."

"Mal…" Simon shook his head and started again. "Why are you being so stubborn? Why are you fighting this?"

"What this? I don't see no this?" Mal lied. He could see a definite this.

Frowning, Simon moved closer looking up into Mal's face, studying it for too long. "Stop it," he said finally, softly. 

He was too close. Mal refused to back up, however, so he had to pretend it didn't bother him when Simon moved into his space. He could smell Simon's aftershave, knowing the young man used it sparingly, because his supply was running low and there was no way to replace the expensive stuff. Mal always liked the scent. It made him think of the sun and laughter and… well, Simon. He had nuzzled the doctor's neck just to smell it when they had fallen asleep together a time or two after sex, always making certain the other man was already sleeping when he did it. 

Reaching out with a hesitant but steady hand, Simon slid his slender fingers into Mal's hair. Mal reacted to that one, trying to jerk his head away but Simon held fast and put his other hand on Mal's face, lightly tracing burning cheekbones with his fingertips.

"What are you afraid of?" he whispered.

"Not afraid of nothin'," Mal insisted equally as quietly.

Simon ignored that. "Of me, perhaps? Of getting too close?"

"Don’t know what you're talking about."

"Sure you do." 

Those huge hazel eyes seemed even bigger at this range. Mal's equilibrium was slipping; he was on the edge of a whirlpool and it was waiting to drag him under. 

"You refuse to sleep with me in case the others will find out. You refuse to show any sort of affection towards me, even when we are alone. Is it because you don't want to get hurt?"

Mal swallowed painfully. "No man wants to get hurt."

"Of course not," Simon agreed soothingly, convincingly. 

Mal was one inch closer to the edge. Simon's body was pressed up against his, not tightly, just enough to maintain contact from chest to knees. Mal's body betrayed him by reacting to the closeness. He pressed back involuntarily into Simon's belly. If this was a trick by the wily doctor to get him to make some flowery confession… 

Mal grasped Simon by the shoulders and set him aside, intending to make his getaway. 

He hadn't counted on Simon's reflexes or his determination. Those long fingers he liked so much, closed on his wrist and jerked him to a standstill. When Mal spun back around, Simon latched on and kissed him. His lips were firm and searching, tongue probing for the truth and Mal was off balance enough to give it to him. With a wounded groan he wrapped his arms around Simon's waist, hands clutching the white shirt, trying to find an anchor. It did no good whatsoever. He continued his inexorable slide into the whirlpool, falling with a splash into the vortex that was Simon Tam. 

Long after he ran out of breath they broke apart, kicking lazily to the surface. 

"Tell me when I lost control of the situation," Mal said against Simon's soft lips.

"About the time you first took me to bed, " Simon said with a touch of smugness that Mal couldn't fault him.

"Yeah," he said wearily though not unhappily, "sounds about right."

Pulling back slightly, Simon gazed seriously into Mal's eyes. "I won't hurt you, Mal. I promise that to the best of my ability, but sometimes you have to take chances with your heart."

Most of his fear was gone now. Mal nodded. "Guess if I'm going to take that chance you're about the safest bet I can find."

"Thanks a lot," Simon said but he didn't sound too offended. 

"It's going to take me some time to get all the way used to the idea."

"I know. I can wait."

"Good."

"Bed?" Simon asked. At Mal's look he added, "I am a man, after all. I can think with my dick."

Chuckling, Mal replied, "Living with thieves has done more than corrupt you towards crime. It's done wonders for your vocabulary."

"So, bed?"

"One track mind. I like that in a lover." Mal had the satisfaction of watching a brilliant smile break out on Simon's face. He turned toward the crew's quarters and his bunk. "Come on then."

"Tomorrow we go to breakfast together." Simon watched him warily, once more stopping him in his tracks.

"By that you mean let the others know about us?"

"Yes."

"Jayne will rag on us."

"Let him."

"Zoe will too." 

"Let her."

"And Wash. And then there's your sister…"

"River already thinks of you as a brother."

"She does?"

"Yup." He sighed. "Mal, I have no intention of hiding this any longer. We will let everyone find out in their own time, but they will find out."

"In that case, can I do you in the lounge?"

"That's not what I had in mind by letting them find out."

"That's an interesting shade of red on your face, Simon."

Mal's lover grabbed his hand and tugged. "Bed. Now. Crew later."

"Can I still wear the pants in this relationship?" Mal allowed himself to be towed along.

"No."

"No?" 

"As soon as we get somewhere private you will take off those tight pants of yours and keep them off until I say you can put them back on again."

Still following with mock reluctance, Mal said, "Same goes for you. What's fair is fair."

Flashing him a feral smile, Simon replied, "Absolutely."

This was going to be interesting.

 

# end


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